Returning and Rest

Authenticity...living integrity. living open. living without compromise.

I was a bit on edge that day. Excited and very hopeful, but I sensed my heart was going to get exposed. As I sat with a friend, the conversation took an interesting twist; I watched my friend begin to unravel revelation with the best words one could use...but the mind couldn't articulate what the heart had found. The crux of the revelation...

It has all been accomplished-- no striving necessary, just discovery.

Do I believe is has all been accomplished-- and does my life reflect that truth?
Am I trying to gain what has already been given?

Lately, in several situations or conversations-- including that one, I have heard (yes, without being naive I know I listen through my own filter) the phrase, "you are amazing, but..." Oh, how this phrase has rocked my core. I am acutely aware of how quick my response is to perform my way into the good favor of relationships. And sadly, found I was still under the false premise that performance works with God too! I can preach it with the best of them...but we all know layers of disappoint, misconceptions, false teachings, and complacency will cause us to build habits that simply do not line up with the Word of God. But truth sets us free-- Praise God! I am watching in all these situations, my acceptance being measured...and I was finding out that I did not measure up to the standards placed before me. My heart was growing uneasy. Unwilling to accept rejection as my answer...I began to seek truth-- precept upon precept.

A crossroad appeared... authenticity or performance. It was my choice in how to respond to the standards set before me; but one road is certainly less traveled by. The question is no longer where I am headed...but how. Christ paid the price from my life-- and through Him I have been saved and sanctified. So life is no longer about finding salvation (striving) but living salvation (resting). Authenticity means I know who I am through the New Covenant. Performance means I still believe a sacrifice must be made to make me acceptable. I believe that only through an authentic lifestyle of true identity can we rejoice in all trials. Will I sing in prison? Will I rejoice with chains? Only if I know the truth-- that it has all been accomplished through Christ. The road by authenticity will ask of me to believe. The road by performance will ask of me to work. The road by authenticity will require understanding. The road by performance will require knowledge. The road by authenticity will demand trust. The road by performance will depend on me.

I am weary of performing; weary of weighing the opinions of others and myself…
I am choosing the road of authenticity…embracing at new level all that Christ has accomplished.

Now it is time for a season of discovery – may this journey be rich and long.

"In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and
confidence shall be your strength." Isaiah 30:15

Unlocking Unity

Authentic in word and action...

I am convinced the threat against unity is the lack of authenticity. Unity is a beautiful picture of one's power, authority, and love embracing another person in all of their power, authority and love. Thus unity must be a product of honor. Where there is no honor there is no unity.

The greatest display of unity is the Godhead. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Living to submit to one another, never offending, never exerting authority, and never withholding. Displays of glory never pointing to self but rather pointing to the other.

The Godhead has nothing to hide. Nothing to prove. No greater success to achieve. The Godhead simply lives to have relationship.

If we are to live out God's glory on earth, and re-present heaven then unity among His people must be found. For unity is the product of honor. Honor comes from recognizing the God within another and giving it value.

To achieve honor we must achieve authenticity. Authenticity is rooted is safety of being known and accepted for who you are. We are plagued with wounds and belief systems that undermine the freedom given to us in Christ. Our identity as sons of God should cause us to be servant's of all and lovers of our enemies. Honor does not mean I give my power, authority and love away...it means I use all three to magnify Christ in you. Honor is the most empowering currency within the Kingdom.

Yet, we hide behind walls, temper our words to be more palatable for other's insecurities, spin plates of good works to distract from the foundational character cracks. We lose...we hinder ourselves.

I am hungry for authenticity. I desire to to run with a community of believers captivated by Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The "beloved unveiled" takes one more step closer to being free. Authenticity is key.

My Canvas

Sitting back and watching the recorded special of the 25th Anniversary of the Music Hall of Fame caused me to escape into a world defined by life sculpting lyrics, authentic voices scratching at my soul, and guitar riffs that moved me to exhilaration and tears. Artists consumed, abandoned. The result -- the unforgettable.

I want to find my art, and craft it like the lyrics of Sting, play it like Jeff Beck, and become timeless like Bonnie Raitt.

Creativity is aching to be expressed. Where is my canvas?

Treasure Hunting in the Dark

Isaiah 45:3
And I will give you the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the LORD, which call you by your name, am the God of Israel.

Treasuring hunting in the dark...hearing His voice sing...

"Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go"

Enough said.

Song: By Your Side
Artist: Tenth Avenue North

Learning to Stand

Being faced with a storm, I flung my heart open to dear friends in desperation for prayer.

I do not have clue how to more forward.

And then the words came, stand--and when all else fails-- stand again. My walk with God has demanded cliff-jumping into the unknown, sailing into winds of adversity, and running with passion into the impossible -- but that is just it. This time I must stand. I found great security in moving forward. I relied too heavily on taking new ground. Standing feels like a loss.

Trust in Me, He says.

My heart aches to know what about "standing" represents Christ? What picture of heaven can you find in me rooting down with absolution? There is something here He wants me to know.

Learning to stand exposed my lack of trust and positioned to me to renew my strength in Him alone.

Learning stand -- who knew that it would be harder than running.

Does he know?

That look...
His eyes danced with mine
Unity was found

That look...
Fear steals such beauty
More questions avail

That look...
Deep calls unto deep
Great passion is seen

That look...
Whispers come with doubt
Yet hope still lingers

That look...
Ushered into love
All else is fading

That look.

Really God?

Today, I found myself pondering of the idea of standing before the throne of God-- in the midst of the 24 elders-- throwing out the question that is nagging my heart and mind. It is a bit humorous to think God doesn't already know my question, but something in me finally relented. I had been asking the question for awhile now, but vocalizing it more as a complaint. Today, I wanted an answer.

Now you must work with me here...my tone is a bit sarcastic, seasoned with some accusation, but heavily concentrated with wonderment. Here's the question...

"Really God? Really?"

Too many coincidental things have taken place in the past few weeks for me to not take notice. Old relationships stirring emotions, new friends speaking familiar phrases that trigger fear, hopes seemingly being deferred, challenges with multiple layers, playing 5 steps forward 3 steps back...I will spare you the full list of my negativity.

So, today I asked my question with sincerity and surrender. He kindly (kindness does lead to repentance) reminded me of a dialogue we had while I was in Guyana a couple weeks ago.

While basking in the early morning sun--peacefully removed from the pressures of my normal life, I asked God to search my heart. I have seen shadows of doubt and sadness lurking about in my life lately, and I wanted to know what was casting the shadow upon my hope. God and I talked awhile about His intentions for my life as I strolled along the alters of my heart where I have established the testimonies of His faithfulness and goodness. Unbelief and disappointment were exposed. So after repenting for harboring lies, I began reflecting on His promises and asked God to seal the morning with a scripture that could carry me forward. I heard Psalm 16. Not having a clue what was in Psalm 16, I turned to the passage and found a song scripted just for my heart.

Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust.O my soul, you have said to the LORD,“You are my Lord, My goodness is nothing apart from You.”

O LORD, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You maintain my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places; Yes, I have a good inheritance.
I will bless the LORD who has given me counsel; My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.I have set the LORD always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will rest in hope.

You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

He reminded me today of our early morning chat...He reminded me that fullness, maturity, abundance, all things, greater things, and the list goes on --are the words He uses to describe my life as His child.

The answer to my question is..."Yes, Precious. Really."

The path I am on is one of possessing fullness, one of working out my maturity, one of experiencing abundance, one of leaning into the strength that says I can do all things, and one that promises me the grace to do even greater things. God delights in helping His children. He longs for us to know the fullness of His joy. He longs for us to tap into the strength, love, grace, and peace that was paid for by His Son. What I face in my path TODAY is my portion to obtain fullness. He may not cause all things, but He is truly sovereign. And all He said was "Trust Me."

Psalm 16 is rich in truth...I sense I will be pondering this passage for a moment or two. But as for tomorrow, I think I will ponder what is like to be in the throne room with God, not asking questions, but instead listening to His promised counsel. Trusting.

Really God. Really.

The Demand

The demand is there. Not from anyone in particular, but maybe from the one source I should remain true. The demand is from my heart. My mind races most of the time with thoughts. My heart yearns for someone to listen. The demand is to write.

This begins the second attempt. The attempt to formulate the ideas into concepts; the attempt to mold the hopes into realities; and the attempt to craft thoughts into sentences. This is my attempt to begin writing the book that is within me.

Here goes nothin'...strike that...here goes everything!

Archiving 2009

Sitting with a dear friend over lunch, I poured my heart out. It was one of those days. I was riding the pendulum of thoughts energized by the momentum of emotion. In one thought, I recognized the goodness of God and in the next tears welled in my eyes with wonderment --would things ever change? I thought 2009 was supposed to be a year my dreams came true. That is when my friend said one phrase and suddenly everything stopped. “Time is for you.”

I could feel the resistance within me. Embracing the idea that time is for me seemed too easy, too lofty, and would steal my ability to complain. Time has always been against me, I thought. All day long, I am racing the clock: deadlines at work; meetings before the meetings; phone calls taking twice as long; days, weeks, years flying by with only fragments of my dreams coming true. Time is a thief, I thought. It takes without regard to my dreams. How could time be for me?

Once again, I found myself face to face with the constraints woven by my perception. Hope deferred, disappointment, and unmet expectations had colored the lens of my life. Time had become the measurement tool of satisfaction, when in Kingdom reality it was meant to be the tool of change and a craftsman of my dreams. Before the foundations of the earth, God established His intentions for my life. Then He created the earth, and set me here for such a time as this. Time was His idea, not the enemy’s. Time was meant to unravel the glory of God. Time was meant for me.

Seasons may be the most beautiful picture of time. Autumn unveils the vulnerability of creation displayed in a beautiful array of color, as it becomes subject to death during the invasive reach of winter. Spring emerges redeeming the stillness of winter by exploding with beauty, and then sets the stage for summer to unleash its declaration of life. Time cultivates beauty. It prunes the elements that hold us back. It co-labors with the intentions of God to display glory.

My perception of time is changing. Waiting the on Lord no longer seems to be a punishment, or a training session for an un-yielded heart to God. Time is God’s tool to bring forth His purposes in seasons that display His character, His love, and His glory. Time is the most generous giver. It allows for repentance; it allows for hope; and it allows for me to choose. I was challenged the other day by the question, “What are you waiting for?” If God has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness in order that we may participate in divine nature (2 Peter 1)—what am I waiting for?

That is when I discovered the key. Time makes me dependent on God. Time is God’s tool for me to discover His freedom. Freedom from worry. Freedom from performance. Freedom from disappointment. Time is His tool to demonstrate all things work out for the good of His will. Time is the infrastructure that gives us the choice to become dependent.

Time is my promise of inheritance. Time is for me. It gives me the greatest privilege…time allows me to wait on the Lord.

“Do not fret because of evildoers; be not envious toward wrongdoers. For they will wither quickly like the grass, and fade like the green herb. Trust in the LORD, and do good. Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He will do it. And He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your judgment as the noonday. Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; do not fret because of him who prospers in his way because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret, it leads only to evildoing. For evildoers will be cut off, but those who wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land.” Psalm 37: 1-9