Really God?

Today, I found myself pondering of the idea of standing before the throne of God-- in the midst of the 24 elders-- throwing out the question that is nagging my heart and mind. It is a bit humorous to think God doesn't already know my question, but something in me finally relented. I had been asking the question for awhile now, but vocalizing it more as a complaint. Today, I wanted an answer.

Now you must work with me here...my tone is a bit sarcastic, seasoned with some accusation, but heavily concentrated with wonderment. Here's the question...

"Really God? Really?"

Too many coincidental things have taken place in the past few weeks for me to not take notice. Old relationships stirring emotions, new friends speaking familiar phrases that trigger fear, hopes seemingly being deferred, challenges with multiple layers, playing 5 steps forward 3 steps back...I will spare you the full list of my negativity.

So, today I asked my question with sincerity and surrender. He kindly (kindness does lead to repentance) reminded me of a dialogue we had while I was in Guyana a couple weeks ago.

While basking in the early morning sun--peacefully removed from the pressures of my normal life, I asked God to search my heart. I have seen shadows of doubt and sadness lurking about in my life lately, and I wanted to know what was casting the shadow upon my hope. God and I talked awhile about His intentions for my life as I strolled along the alters of my heart where I have established the testimonies of His faithfulness and goodness. Unbelief and disappointment were exposed. So after repenting for harboring lies, I began reflecting on His promises and asked God to seal the morning with a scripture that could carry me forward. I heard Psalm 16. Not having a clue what was in Psalm 16, I turned to the passage and found a song scripted just for my heart.

Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust.O my soul, you have said to the LORD,“You are my Lord, My goodness is nothing apart from You.”

O LORD, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You maintain my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places; Yes, I have a good inheritance.
I will bless the LORD who has given me counsel; My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.I have set the LORD always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will rest in hope.

You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

He reminded me today of our early morning chat...He reminded me that fullness, maturity, abundance, all things, greater things, and the list goes on --are the words He uses to describe my life as His child.

The answer to my question is..."Yes, Precious. Really."

The path I am on is one of possessing fullness, one of working out my maturity, one of experiencing abundance, one of leaning into the strength that says I can do all things, and one that promises me the grace to do even greater things. God delights in helping His children. He longs for us to know the fullness of His joy. He longs for us to tap into the strength, love, grace, and peace that was paid for by His Son. What I face in my path TODAY is my portion to obtain fullness. He may not cause all things, but He is truly sovereign. And all He said was "Trust Me."

Psalm 16 is rich in truth...I sense I will be pondering this passage for a moment or two. But as for tomorrow, I think I will ponder what is like to be in the throne room with God, not asking questions, but instead listening to His promised counsel. Trusting.

Really God. Really.